so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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