Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize