He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
