I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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