all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
