i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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