Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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