white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
