I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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