Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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