His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
