I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
