Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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