i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
