my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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