You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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