I wish my penis had an off switch
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
