My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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