My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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