no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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