Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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