I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
