it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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