Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
