you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
