Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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