If that was your dad, he is hot
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
