I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
