i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
