New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
