I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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