I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
