so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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