im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
