Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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