did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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