There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
