Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
