He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
