I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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