I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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