maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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