remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize