I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
