the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
