I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
