Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
