Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
