I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize