By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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