I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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