I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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