you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
