Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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