its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
