Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
