I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
