Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
