im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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