so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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