why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
