that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
