I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
