my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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