Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
