Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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