if only i could text you this smell
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
